Knowledge is Power
by Kara1626
Summary: Sequel to "All Bets..." Harm is forced to relive his less-than-stellar moments when someone finally catches on...Get ready for an uncomfotable conversation. WARNING: Contains discussion of the non-consensual spanking of adults.


_**Sequel to "All Bets Are Off"**_

**WARNING: Contains discussion of spanking of adults.**

"Excuse me, Commander?"

"Bud! What's going on?" Harm asked, clapping the young Lieutenant on the back.

Bud glanced around nervously. "I, uh, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute, Sir."

"Sure. Why don't we go into my office?" Bud followed Harm into the Commander's office, glancing over his shoulder all the way. When the door was closed, Harm looked at Bud. He was sweating. "Bud, what's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing, Sir. Nothing's wrong," Bud answered. Harm saw him make a concerted effort to relax and held back a chuckle.

"So…what did you want to talk to me about?" Harm asked once he'd decided Bud wasn't going to faint right there on the floor – although, there was still the possibility that he'd throw up.

"Oh, right. I don't really know where to start, Sir," Bud said.

"Well," Harm ventured, "why don't you start with taking a seat?" He motioned toward the chair in front of his desk and sat in his own chair by way of example. Once Bud was settled, Harm tried again. "So, what's on your mind?"

Bud fidgeted with the sleeve of his blazer for a moment before he gathered enough courage to speak. "Sir, the other day, you and Major MacKenzie seemed to be arguing about something." Harm nodded and tried to suppress a smile. "And then yesterday, I heard the two of you and the Admiral in her office yelling about something." He stopped and appeared suddenly nervous again.

"Yes?" Harm prompted, still trying not to laugh at Bud's obvious discomfort.

"Well, I saw the Admiral take you to his office, and…" he stopped.

Harm suddenly stopped smiling. He didn't like where he thought this conversation was going.

"…And when you came out a little later, it looked like you were…limping." Bud finished.

Harm had been afraid that one day, Bud might figure out that there was more to his relationship with the Admiral than the typical CO/inferior officer relationship. But the memories of the day before were still painful – both figuratively, and just a little bit literally. He just wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it right now.

But one look at Bud told him that there was something behind Lieutenant Roberts' question, so he put his pride aside and nodded.

"Sir, did the Admiral…I mean, was I just imagining…um…"

"Spit it out, Bud," Harm said, resigning himself to the reality of the conversation.

"Did he hit you, Sir?" Bud finally asked after (what felt to Harm) an eternity.

Harm sighed heavily. "He paddled me," he admitted. Immediately, he regretted his bluntness as Bud paled visibly. "Bud? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Sir," he answered, but his hands were trembling. Harm waited for Bud to gather himself. His reluctance to talk about his punishment was trumped by his concern for the officer seated in front of him. A few uncomfortable minutes later, Bud had reigned himself in enough to speak again. "Was that the first time, Sir?"

Harm's mind immediately and vividly replayed two trips over the Admiral's desk and two trips over the back of his own couch. There was no way he was going to tell Bud all the gory details. After all, even Mac didn't know the full stories behind some of those memories. But he knew he couldn't lie about them either. "No, it wasn't."

"How many…" Bud started to ask, then cut himself off.

"More than I want to talk about," Harm answered honestly. Bud was fidgeting again. "Bud, seriously, what's wrong?"

Another uncomfortable minute passed before Bud was calm enough to speak again. "Sir, do you think…um, you don't think…uh…"

Harm suddenly understood. In spite of his best efforts, he let out a laugh. "You're worried that if you screw the pooch badly enough, the Admiral will, well, punish you too?" he asked wisely.

"Yes Sir," Bud answered at a volume barely above a whisper.

Harm grinned at him. "Bud," he said gently, "trust me. The Admiral would never do anything to you that would send you into cardiac arrest at the mere thought of it. He does it to me because he knows that's the only way to get through to me sometimes. You know how hard-headed I can be." He couldn't believe he was talking about himself like that, but he also knew it was true.

"And you're ok with that Sir?" Bud asked, a little confused.

"It's complicated, Bud," Harm said in an attempt to dodge the question.

"How is it complicated? He's hitting you!" Bud suddenly shouted.

Harm was, understandably taken aback. "Bud, it's fine!" he said in an attempt to calm the suddenly agitated young man. "He's not beating me or anything. And it's never more than I can take." Bud did not look convinced. "I swear, it's not a big deal," Harm said, still surprised by the sudden change in demeanor.

Bud relaxed, suddenly looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry Sir," he said, shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts.

The two men sat quietly for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Bud broke the silence first. "You're really ok with what the Admiral does to you?"

"Well, I never like it at the time, but when it's over, yes, I'm ok with it. And to be honest with you, I've come to appreciate it. I mean, can you imagine what would have happened if the Admiral hadn't told SecNav that he'd deal with me off the record after I shot up the court room?" Harm decided that Bud's ability to function in the presence of the Admiral was a little more important than his pride at the moment.

"He did?" Bud asked, eyes wide.

Harm sighed again. "Yes. In fact, that was the first time."

"So, he just pulled out a paddle and hit you for that?"

Harm shook his head. "No. We talked about it first. He let me decide if that was what I wanted him to do."

"He lets you decide how you want to be punished?"

Harm cleared his throat. "Not exactly. Really, it was just that one time. Well, we talked about it one other time," he added quickly as he saw Bud turning pale again. "We have an understanding," he concluded, relieved to see Bud relax again.

Bud sat quietly and mulled over his newly-gained information. A few minutes later, he had an uncharacteristic confidence. Harm assumed it was because he'd realized he would never find himself in Harm's position. "Sir?" he asked, much less tentatively than Harm had expected. "Do you think he's done that to the Major?"

As much as Harm wanted to be completely honest with Bud, he wisely decided that he would be forgiven if he lied, just this once. "I doubt it," he answered.

"Ok, well. I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sir," Bud said suddenly getting up. He was much more relaxed than he had been at the beginning of the conversation.

Harm stood up too and marveled at Bud's ease. Then, he suddenly had a thought. "Bud, just out of curiosity, is the reason you're asking questions about this because you've done something that you think the Admiral would punish you for?"

"Oh," Bud laughed, "no, no, nothing like that Sir. I just wanted to make sure. You know, in case it ever came up in the future."

"Ok," Harm said. He was pretty sure Bud was telling the truth, but as he scrambled out of the office, Harm couldn't help but wonder what was _really_ behind Bud's questions. But since he couldn't even imagine Bud ever doing anything to earn Admiral Chegwidden's wrath, he shrugged it off as Bud being Bud.

Back at his desk, Bud breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing Harm the day before, obviously having been hurt in some way, had haunted him all night. He'd barely slept. He'd spent half the night trying to figure out how to get transferred to another unit. He just didn't think he could serve under another abusive authority figure. So much energy had been used trying to get past his troubled childhood and he didn't think he had it in him to face it all over again. He sighed again as he picked up a case file on his desk and got to work. He knew he was in a safe place.


End file.
